Moving On from Preschool at 50 is Hard

As an experienced teacher I should be good at thinking through problems in the spirit of discovering solutions. After all, that’s what I’ve always taught my classrooms of learners to do. But now the tables have turned, and I feel like the child in need of guidance.

It’s as though there’s an equation in front of me, and I don’t understand what values are missing to find the answers I’m seeking.

What am I supposed to do with my life if I’m not in a classroom? What’s the formula for moving on?

When I Grow Up I Want to Be… ?

As a child I loved doing many things, but nothing stood out as a profession I wanted to have. I just wanted to be me. More specifically, I wanted to be me loving my life and job. That’s all I knew for sure about my answer to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

That being said, people who know exactly what path they want to travel in life make me extremely jealous. The clarity they appear to have seems beyond my reach. Yet, I’ve tried to reach it anyway. I’ve tried all manner of things to bring clarity to my destined career path.

• Reading self-help books on job hunting – even finding the color of my parachute.
• Taking quizzes on personality types and filling out questionnaires to determine my best career choices.
• Considering what I loved doing as a child and determining if I could use those childhood loves as signposts for a career path.
• Asking friends and family — the people who know me best — what they think I’d be good at.
• Attempting to strategically plan ways to turn hobbies and passions into side hustles — with the hope those side hustles could one day turn into livable incomes.
• Scouring continuing education courses at local colleges in search of new skills that might interest me.

I did all the stuff experts say to do, but I discovered — nothing. No job on this planet seems to ignite a glow in my chest signaling, “Yes! That’s what you’ve been searching for your whole life. That’s what you were meant to be and do.”

Moving On to Other Dreams

At one point in my career search, I came across an interesting concept. I don’t remember the source from which I found it or the exact wording, but it read something like:

“Not everyone is meant to have a dream job. Instead, some people are meant to focus their energy on other types of dreams.”

This.

Reading the above statement ignited a glow in my chest — the glow I had hoped would appear while searching for my dream job. I had lots of other dreams, I just didn’t have a dream career. Maybe I wasn’t broken after all.

However, broken or not, my need for guidance in regards to finding a job I truly enjoyed remained at the forefront of my mind. How do you choose a career path when you’re presented with millions of choices?

So What Do You Do When You Don’t Know What to Be?

As a senior in high school, the predicament above hit me in the face quite often. From guidance counselors to every concerned adult in my life, everyone wanted to know what my plans after high school were going to be. The problem? I had no idea what I wanted to be or do.

It should be noted I grew up during a time when people often worked at the same job for a significant portion of their lives. Having several different careers throughout one’s life went against society’s norms back then.

Well-intentioned adults reminded me often of the following: “College is expensive. Make sure you know exactly what you want to do with your life so you don’t waste all that time and money.”

To which I replied, “I want to — I’m thinking I want — I’m pretty sure I want to…” Then, my terrified mind jumped to the first thing it could latch on to. “I want to be a teacher.”

It made sense at the time back in 1992. I liked school. It consumed my life for 12 years. The teachers were adults I trusted and admired. Eventually, I became a really great teacher, changing the lives of many. But through it all there remained a voice in the back of my mind whispering ever so softly, “This isn’t it. This isn’t what you want to be or do. Keep moving on.”

When Moving On Requires Unplanned Disasters Blessings

Teaching is and was a rewarding career. I don’t regret a minute of it. In fact, I likely learned more from the students than they learned from me. That being said, “something” insisted I stop wasting precious time in the classroom and move on.

I use the term The Something broadly. Could it be the Universe? God? Another higher power of some sort? My subconscious? Maybe my higher self? A chemical imbalance? Or midlife crisis? I don’t know. But whatever The Something technically or un’technically claims to identify as, this time it meant business.

I won’t go into the gory details, because the events pushing me to this moment in my life deserve a blog post of their very own. What I will say is that shit hit the fan — and couch — and all over the floor of my beloved 450 square foot condo — rendering it uninhabitable. Yep, it seems The Something thought a sewage backup might be just what I needed to push me out of my comfort zone.

“What You Believe You Will Achieve“

As the big 5-0 slowly grew nearer, I often reflected on my life and concluded I lacked convincing evidence of success for the nearly fifty years of effort I’d put in to existing so far. Only a crappy participation ribbon for surviving a half a decade of wrong turns and mediocre achievements hung on the walls of my mind.

The Something must’ve noticed my crappy participation ribbon hanging in my mind’s showcase of beliefs, because it nodded and replied, “Your wish is my command.”

*Note: In the spirit of metaphors and crappy participation ribbons, consider the shit filled condo my participation ribbon from The Something.

Unanswered Prayers & Disguised Blessings

There could be a reason why I’ve never had a dream job or dream purpose.

What if Ms. Destiny orchestrated my 25 years in teaching instead of Mr. Mistake?

What if the answers to all my my job search questions were hidden in my childhood this whole time? I just couldn’t see the answers because the questions and answers were the same.

I stated at the beginning of this post: “As an experienced teacher I should be good at thinking through problems in the spirit of discovering solutions. After all, that’s what I’ve always taught my classrooms of learners to do. But now the tables have turned, and I feel like the child in need of guidance.”

Maybe I’m both the teacher and the child. Maybe my purpose is to create simple learning resources for those without dream jobs or dream careers like me.

Lesson Planner & Curriculum Developer for Those Without a Dream Job

If I’m in the process of researching to get myself out of my Purposeless Dreams of Despair, I might as well share what I learn with others.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to create learning resources for those struggling to find their place in this world and provide a space where they can come to feel less alone in their confusion.

Motivation for Moving On

The following excerpts from online articles stuck out and motivated me as I searched how to move on from the teaching profession.

LifeHack: 8 Things to Remember When You Don’t Know What to Do With Your Life. “You can’t know what’s going to make you happy even five years from now. But you can know what makes you happy now and if you’re current position — or school track — isn’t it, then you need to move on.”

Life After Teaching: The Teacher’s Toolkit. “You’re being asked to perform miracles with no resources and no regard for your wellbeing. If you’re tired of being told to “practice self care” while being placed in unsafe or unreasonable working conditions and continually get more added to your plate, you’re not alone.”

copyright — Something Priceless.com